The self-doubt has once again set in. I really only had a brief sketch of an idea outline in my head for my NaNo novel. I know I want my MC to be involved in a Society Within Society. Something hidden and special, that only select few get into. At first I thought it would just be an application system to get in. The Society would observe you doing . . . whatever . . . and based on your natural abilities you’d get in. Then I changed it, because magic would be so much cooler! So okay, now my MC lives in a futuristic world and is a bit of an outcast because she has things going on in her head that other people don’t. She doesn’t talk about it because she was told not to, but one day she starts to figure out how to control it, and then the magical society shows up and YAY! Fun and gummi bears and magic wands for everyone! Okay, so I didn’t want it to be like magic wand magic. More like, being intuitive and able to access some sort of realm that others can’t. Then I started thinking that was too close to copying other authors whose works I love. Don’t want to be opening myself up to infringment suits! So then I started thinking I’d change things a bit. The Society Within Society now had some magic, but primarily their powers would come from advanced and really cool technology.
Awesome! Look at me with all these ideas! But as I started to think of what I wanted to write next, after my epically good session yesterday, the self doubt arrived. The hyper critical mind started barking at me. I was merely copying the genius of others. I have such a shakey system I will never write well about it. I need to know my magic or tech or both systems inside out before I can write them out. And I don’t. I don’t even know what I want the system to be, let alone:
What are they doing?
Why are they doing what they’re doing?
How are they doing what they’re doing?
What are the limitations of what they’re doing?
What are the costs of what they’re doing?
What characters will I create for the new society?
Wait, now should this really be Sci-Fi?
Should I make up a planet or a space station or some shit?
Would my MC even like doing whatever the crap they’re doing?
I started off wanting my MC to get pulled out of her humdrum life where she feels largely unhappy and doesn’t get to be herself. I wanted her to go on a magical adventure, and find new amazing cities to visits, shops selling curious wares, someplace her creativity would flourish and help others.
But where is the conflict? Will there be evil there? What kind of evil? What do they do?
I started thinking about all the things I don’t want my story to turn into. I don’t want to write a murder mystery. I don’t want to right about tyranical governments that suppress everyone and now people are trying to rebel. I felt like a lot of my Society Within Society ideas were starting to travel to that type of thing, in order to achieve the right feeling of boredom and suppression for my MC. But I don’t want to write about that. I want to write about the fluffy unicorn farts and that nifty over the ear headset that lets people hear what dogs are saying and crap like that. But I just cannot figure out a point! What is my point! Without a point, how do I have something to shoot for with my continued writing?!
Oh the glories of this process. I’ve never gotten this far into it honestly. So I guess I can throw that pat on the back into my piggy bank of positives and hope these issues clear up by the time I go to write tonight.